To Kitty Swallows

I will write more generally about our time together, a lot hasn't been included, some should and some I've forgotten but not totally. Total "on the tip of my tongue" moments. As with some other posts, I don't intend for you to necessarily read through this and I don't fully intend for you to find this, but if you do then I do hope you're well. And of course, as always; if you wish I can remove your nickname from this post.

Hope it's ok I included your second character, alternatively your new main, in here. I remember you shared its name a long time ago, and you talked about initially starting on it. 

Where do I even begin? I remember getting to know you, I don't quite remember exactly what attracted you towards the Old Gridania markets but I do know, as you later told me, you had seen me and us talking for a bit and wanted to join in but didn't. I believe initially someone else made contact with you through say, and we all started talking about your name, something I at first, in my innocent moment, thought was meant to be a bird (isn't a swallow some kinda bird?), but the naughtier people around us immediately assumed it was more... well, naughty. To think that that moment now is over half a decade ago is mind boggling. Not that the passage of time hasn't been felt, but that when I think back I feel like that whole period lasted for months and even years when in reality it all passed in weeks, and even days. I can't exactly recall why we started talking more, because I didn't keep talking with the others around us after that, at least not as much as you. Maybe we met up again the following day or something? Some of those memories are very clear, some are not as clear. I would love to read through what we talked about back then, all of it, even the cringe and the sad.  

Do you remember this? Damn, seemed like every single night one of us would disconnect, didn't help that the servers were in NA at the time. 

Anyway, we became friends, and I remember, because I was still very new, you showing me things and doing content with me. Back in those days, like late 2.1 and early 2.2, there weren't a lot of content available so we mostly ran through the HM trials and later on did dungeons in the form of your, at the time at least, favorite dungeon - The Lost City of Amdapor. I can't even imagine queueing for a HM trial twice in a row for fun nowadays, but back then we'd do that all day. To someone who was a noob it meant everything to me and I believe fully that if I hadn't met you I wouldn't have lasted as long in XIV. 

I remember spending hours just sitting around and talking, mostly near the watermill in New Gridania, but also on the bench with you alone or with the rest of the bench buddies. Now, I just wish I recorded and took more pictures back then. The PS4 has a share feature and I just forgot about it for a long time. Really regret that now. This bench used to be teeming with life and is now so dull and empty.

This was a crazy gesture at the time. We sent each other increasingly teasing letters, like "I'll give you this" and you'd send one back "I'll double it" and then finally you sent a million gil. I did return it, of course, but like wow. The amount of trust was wonderful. A million gil isn't that crazy anymore, but back then you were truly the richest person I had ever seen.

You later bought a house and I was so surprised by that. The prices weren't actually crazy in hindsight but I was nowhere near able to buy one myself. I was a tenant at your place for a long time, "my" table and stuff are still there. Your maze with the boxes are still there. 

You were a bard both in that that was your favorite job but also in the way you could describe things, you had a poetic touch. I remember this postcard. If I recall correctly I believe we had gone to do some job quests, or maybe I left to do a job quest and then you sent me this postcard. You usually sent quite a few letters and I would reply as well. I remember for a while I wasn't really comfortable with my English, for some reason I dunno, but I used to just apologize for it all the time and you'd reassure me that it was fine.

It's still crazy to me that it's been more than two thousand days since these letters were written and sent. 

l

Last few moments of my first Miqo'te.
Sometimes I regret changing,
though this wasn't technically my first as I had a beta one I changed into.
Though still, I changed.

We had some really amazing adventures together. I remember being on vacation and coming home a few days "too late" for patch 2.3's launch and the first person I talked to was you. You told me where to go and helped me unlock content, and by this time I had "caught up" a little so I wasn't as nooby but you still showed compassion and helped me out.

I actually remember getting the achievement for having done a 1,000 FATEs while you accompanied me. I don't remember what we were doing but I do remember it occurring near or on this bridge. We were obviously doing FATEs but did I do one for the achievement, or did we farm something or just level something in general? 04/05/2014 is when it happened. To think that it has been six years, just nuts.

I remember often hanging around this tree with you, it was your favorite spot in Mor Dhona, though at the time it was much less developed. Didn't it vanish at one point for a little while too? I remember sitting underneath it. Another fond memory of Mor Dhona was in 2.2 I had capped my tomestones before you so I got my BLM up to ilvl 95 or so (this must've been week 2) and you were just shocked by the high ilvl. You had played in 1.0, so you had grown attached to not surpassing a certain ilvl so it was quite the shock for you. 

We were "only" friends on FFXIV but I felt a really good connection to you. We formed a great bond and it sustained and helped us grow closer. The content, after a lengthy honeymoon phase, eventually grew stale and tired, the same "hallways" of dungeons, the same trials with no loot. I still logged in though, a lot because of you. The days were never the same, though we often did much of the same content. We moved from doing content together to talking more together.

I remember a moment of us sitting at the very edge of one of these red crystallized spikes in Coerthas just talking about everyday life. You had recently begun to login less and less due to getting a job, I believe you were working with the mail or some such. You had wanted to ask me where I was located in the world so that you could keep a lookout for the name of my city, and I often wonder if perhaps some letters you handled, saw, casually glanced at or were in the same room as ended up near me?

Mysteries of the universe. I like to think so. Though, as I said, you had begun to login less and less, and that was a sign of what was to come. Ironic that a moment like this happened near Ishgard, a place where our path seemed to diverge.

You had real life obligations coupled with the fact that you had some technical issues which meant that you simply couldn't login and do content anymore. Your PC would overheat, and your real life obligations would exhaust you. You needed rest, and sadly because we never had any alternative means of communications, that meant that our time together was cut short. Massively so, in fact you were probably the only person I was friends with who had a sleeping schedule as bad as I had. We spent many nights up together, and now I spent them alone. You were badly missed, and because of how rarely we got on at the same time all we had were some letters to try to explain and understand what was going on. It wasn't enough. We simply diverged, when we could sit down and talk it just wasn't exactly like it used to be simply due to the time spent away from each other.

Heavensward didn't really help the situation, as your favorite job was "ruined" and turned into a bowmage. Technical issues, real life and in-game issues meant that you probably amassed very little playtime in HW overall.

Or rather, we amassed very little time together. I remember showing you my FC house, and that was about it. We did get some in, no doubt. I remember "helping" you with Triple Triad, though I was terrible at math so how much help I was I dunno, but you got some. It was the only way to combat early finishers. I helped you to third and then someone else, who was far more competent in math, helped you the next week and you got first!

While I never considered much of what we did RP, I think it would be fair to say some of it was. At least some kinda halfway between RP and non-RP.

The last time we actually sat down and talked must've been around the launch of Palace of the Dead, at least the first 50 floors. I remember you getting a PS4, figuring out controller and playing as a DRK, as in the picture above we're queueing for something and it's probably Alexander. Though it may just be a dungeon, didn't you farm a dungeon for some glamours around that time? It's just nuts to actually consider the time from this moment to today, years. It still feels like I've been friends with you for a long time, but if you simply consider the time we've spent together it hasn't been that long. Like two years or so, almost double that time has passed since we were at our peak. 

I will probably return to add more thoughts and also copypaste some stuff, but I wanted to leave something up for now. By Googling "Kitty Swallows" you get the most interesting results so I doubt you'll find it that way. 

I distinctly recall you saying early on into our friendship that you wished there were more jump puzzles in this game, at least I do think you said so? Anyway, in a kinda ironic twist you would get your wish but you wouldn't be around to enjoy it.

It is devastating to think that it's now been such a long time since we actually did anything, since we were really friends. I still cling onto the hope that we'll one day rekindle our friendship but I must confess it's getting harder to imagine that as a reality, especially given the huge amount of time between us two talking. The last time we had a chat was late at night shortly after Shadowbringers launch or around that, no? It must be over a year now, and that really hurts. So much has happened in my life and so much has probably happened in yours too, I occasionally travel to Odin to visit your house. You still have a few things I know I left there, like some Triple Triad cards on the floor in the basement and a Moogle table in your garden. If only time and life was kinder, but stuff happened to us both that pushed us apart and much of that is on me. 

I didn't respond, not directly ignoring you, but due to how limited we talked, it kinda worked out like that and so for a while we simply didn't talk, and unfortunately that's kinda where we left things. I didn't see the letters for months sometimes because I was burned out and you couldn't be on as much as you used to, we had some awful timing. But you did have an impact on me and I probably wouldn't be who I was without you at the beginning, we had something special for a good while, and while maybe some of it was cringe or bad in hindsight, a lot of it was good and wonderful. 

Sadly, by now you can add 420 days (at the time of writing) to these letters, that's how long ago I got them. 3 years on that Valentione invite, and 4-5 on the rest. I really wish I had a time machine, but alas - no. Instead all I have are these memories of you and us, and I'll treasure them always. I wish you well, and I do kinda hope you find this but if you never do and some random finds them instead I want you to treasure the people around you now because in a month they may not be there anymore. 

How many hours did we spend sitting at the edge here? Queueing for all the HM primals, messing around in duties, getting lost in conversations. I wish so terribly that I could bottle this feeling, this vibe I had around this time. You meant so much to me, and I hope you one day find this. I hope, as I said, that you're well.